People in my life

Gaby is so special to me ☺☺☺☺😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

What I am. .

I’m lonely. I’m sad. I’m angry.I’m depressed. I’m pessimistic. I’m unconfident. I’m insecure.I’m mad. I’m deranged.I’m sick.I’m tired.I’m a nice person yet so different. I’m taken for granted.I’m all of the above…

I rise yet I’m falling

I’m really hurt by the malicious forces around me. This environment has me violent. Everything and everyone wants to attack me. Just leave me alone please. Bye forever

Made this instrumental right after I awoke from a dream where I was falling from a 20 story building awaiting my death.

The Thought

I stood at the top of a 20 story building today and I wanted to jump with my eyes closed and my mind open. Would my mind save me? Would I live and be comforted or dead and forgotten. These are the thoughts that race through my mind. Afraid to speak out I am. Afraid to rise and be a king and get my head cut off. I get so breathless when I step foot in that school. I get so breathless when I face this shit. My mind is a wasteland.

These Lonely Nights

There are always these nights where I awake in the middle of the night and just think. My mind literally never doesn’t think. It’s a mind; it’s suppose to think and wonder. However, my mind is different. It’s never satisfied. I get on twitter, tumblr, instagram, etc. to suffice it’s appetite, yet it never can be fulfilled. Am I sick? Am I hungry for something? Am I trying to justify something deep within my conscious that just can never be justified. I’m feeling like I’m apart of Mary Shelley’s novel, but am I Victor or the Creature. Everything feels like touchdown on a rainy day. I’m never done. These nights are the nights I dream awake. I’m not going to NYC and I know people tell me that I don’t have to go far, but the thing is it was my dream, it was my goal, it was the one thing I was looking forward to  and now that’s gone and before you comment and try to be an ass think about the shit I just typed dammit. I hate when people diss my dreams. Now I just walk through the halls thinking about how much I’m going to miss a place that treated me so badly. I’m going to miss a lot of those sons of bitches. I’m going to miss the mojos. I’m going to miss having to write a damn essay at 4 in the morning for Rob. I’m going to miss Gaby and her rebellious personality; I love that girl. Looks like I’m headed nowhere. I want to cry right now, but men don’t cry; only hurt.

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Reblog post

My Life

And here I am sitting in a puddle of my own misery and I try, but I cannot shed a single tear. It seems the tears only come forth when I rant about it or make music, but I’m trying not to rant and right now music just wont suffice my misery and anger. I would always use the drums and mic to stress my situation, but I don’t even have that in me. It’s like I have so much to say about so much but no one will listen. It’s funny because I’ve bottled it for four years and it just keeps filling up every second, every minute, every hour of every day. Ximena, Leslye, Terrance, Dene’, and majority of others are dead to me. What they do is forgivable, but at the same time unforgivable. . It’s unbearable and they don’t even understand. I don’t think no one understands.

The Fact that a chance to chase my dreams and go to New York is in reach but I can’t go :(

Should I!?

People say I’m really talented, but am I really!? NYU did reject me. I just don’t want to care anymore. Should I!?

PHOTOSET See full set

PROM (Nhu’s rap I wrote to ask her)

And everyday I see you walk across

my eyes and I wonder why Im really

just so shy. Where Deep inside my

mind I know I failed to realize you’re

more than meets the eye

More than meets the idealogies of

Socrates Philosophies

Oh the passionate possible

possibilities. With Stats its probability

a possibility, I have a thing for

you

I know its probable I might have a

thing for you Nhu. The depth of your

mind, the length of your hair, The

things that you do, and Those clothes

that you wear. I know I come a little

odd just face it, but really - let me start

with the basics. I want to know what

makes you laugh and what makes you

smile. Every time i look at you I know

I know my head is in the clouds. Maybe its the art

that you create, or maybe its the smile

that you make when you’re smiling in

my face. and every time when I was

writing down this rhyme. Coming up

with dope lines. I just said what’s on

my mind. wanting to apologize for

what I did, and now I understand, but

want to admit. Would you say yes to

me according to this. Can I take you

out, maybe a cordial event. Nobody

can compare, to you girl I sware. I

sware you’re like the air that I breath

and this life that I need. On the mic

that I breath. You’re the light that I see

and my productivity sparking

creativity while I was writing to this

beat. You’re the passion that I need

and this Is what I mean .

You’re incredible like the words that I

speak. Intagible like the birds and the

bees. If the rap doesn’t

work. I made you a sign. turn it to the

back. Will you be my Valentine. it’s

got to be something to write this, to

recite this. I hoping at the moment

that you like this. you’re more than attractive, you’re more than just average. You have me intrigued, by

your looks and what I see . I really want to see you in that prom dress. I guess I’m really asking you to prom yes. Nothing less than respect for the best, i confess that i trying to impress you. so hows the impression. If i had to learn a lesson from my early adolescence as i paint this mental image from The look through your lenses. You are more than exquisite. the chemistry of physics. and although. i really hope that you say yes. It took alot courage to say this. inspired by my words you’re the greatest. would you  go to prom with me i guess!?